I'm So So Sorry
by dragonwings90
Summary: Peridot was acting strange, and Lapis, for the life of her, couldn't think of why. So one quiet night at the barn, she finally decided it was best to work this thing out, whatever it was.


"So what's up?" Steven asked a very concerned Lapis. He had been called to the barn to talk with her about something, but she wouldn't tell him what. This was unusual, to say the least, but Steven gladly accepted the request and headed over, more than willing to help a friend.

"Um…" muttered Lapis, avoiding eye-contact and wringing her hands. "I want to talk about Peridot."

"Huh? What about her?" Steven queried.

Lapis looked back at the barn and said quietly, "She's been acting really weird lately."

Steven tilted his head in curiosity. "Uhm.. Weird how? Like, weird weird, or just... Peridot weird?"

"Weirder than both," Lapis answered, furrowing her brow.

"Oh.." Steven paused. Lapis had never asked him for help involving Peridot before. It must've been serious. "Well, can you describe some of her behavior to me? Maybe then we can figure out what's wrong. Let's start with her mood. When you look at her, what emotions do you see?"

"Uh… It's-it's really hard to describe, but…" Lapis paused to regain her thoughts. "It's like.. she's always spacing out, but at the same time she's really concentrating on whatever she's looking at. She doesn't smile at all, but she doesn't really look angry or sad either. She just kind of looks… resigned?"

"Good," Steven encouraged. "Now tell me, what is she doing differently in terms of activities?"

"Well, she doesn't seem to do much of anything right now. She just sits in the barn, not saying a word. She doesn't go on her tablet, she doesn't watch Camp Pining Hearts, she doesn't want to make - or even look at - morps, and she isn't using her metal powers to do anything! Every once in awhile, she'll go out to the hill at night, though. It seems like every day that passes, she spends more and more time away from the barn. She goes for really long walks now and sometimes I wake up in the morning and she's just… not there. And it isn't comforting that she never announces that she's going for a walk, so sometimes she's here and sometimes she's not, and I wouldn't know where she is. It's… kind of scary sometimes."

Steven hummed in concentration. Thinking up another question, he asked her, "What does she act like around you?"

Lapis looked pained as she answered the question. "Whenever I say her name, even if I'm far off and saying it really quietly, she jumps as though she forgets that seeing me is a normal occurrence. She never asks anything of me, and whenever I talk to her, she avoids eye contact and always agrees or nods with what I say. She speaks only when spoken to. She comes off as.. diffident.. and fidgety as if she's talking to someone of great importance... despite seeing me every day. And her tone is always.. unsettlingly respectful." Lapis paused. "I just don't know what to do. I never get to see her excited about anything anymore and it's making me really worried."

Steven gave her a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out," he assured her. "Now… what could all this mean?" They paused and thought for a long moment. All of the behavior Lapis was describing was very unusual for Peridot. She's never acted like this toward anyone in the past, so Steven tried to think of emotions Peridot rarely ever expressed.

"Maybe… she feels guilty about something," Steven suggested.

Lapis looked confused. "Guilty? About what?"

"I don't know, but if she acts like you said around you, then it's possible it has... something to do with you." Lapis looked worried as she heard this, so Steven immediately followed up with another question. "Is there anything she's done to upset you lately?"

"No, not at all! We don't get into arguments often, and when we do, it's over something petty like... where we put our stuff in the barn or who gets to sleep in the hammock that night."

"Hmm…" Steven hummed. "Maybe you should bring this up to her. You said sometimes she goes to sit on the hill at night, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, bring it up to her then." After several seconds of no response, Steven continued. "Don't worry, Lapis. You've got this. I'm sure you two will work this out." Lapis did not look confident, but she gave Steven a slow nod and said goodbye before he walked back to the warp pad. Steven raised his hand in an enthusiastic wave.

Lapis only waved back after the beam of light from the pad disappeared.

Lying on the top of the barn, Lapis stared into the night sky. She didn't know what she was getting herself into, but she couldn't stand the thought of another day passing without seeing Peridot's bright smile and upbeat attitude. Regardless of her fears, she was going to talk to her. She was going to help her, even if it meant sacrificing her own comfort for a little while.

She bolted upright as she heard footsteps disrupt the grass not far from the barn. She looked down to see Peridot, finally back from her walk. Instead of heading to the barn, Peridot started for the hill. Lapis watched her sit down and hug her knees, the moonlight outlining her small figure. Lapis took a deep breath and flew down to the ground, bracing herself for what was to come.

The closer she got to Peridot, the slower her stride became. Every step she took made her gut feel heavier, but eventually she quietly reached her barn mate and sat to her left. Peridot didn't seem to notice Lapis's approach, so she took the opportunity to study her face. She looked very tired and uncharacteristically wistful. Her face portrayed a startling sense of deep hopelessness as she stared at the dark horizon.

Immediately becoming uncomfortable, Lapis quietly murmured Peridot's name. As she expected, Peridot yelped in surprise and snapped her head around to meet Lapis's gaze. "Oh! Haha! I didn't see you there!" Peridot blurted stiffly. "Is there.. uh.. Is there something you need?"

"No, I'm just wondering what you're looking at out here," Lapis said in a smooth tone, making sure she appeared like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Oh," Peridot responded. Lapis felt uneasy watching Peridot try to hide her discomfort with a contorted smile. She appeared to be searching for a smooth transition out of the conversation, but awkwardly stopped short when coming up with nothing. They sat in silence for what felt like forever.

 _'_ _Just get it over with,'_ Lapis groaned to herself. "Peridot," she finally said.

"Uh.. yes?"

Lapis paused before gently saying, "I've noticed that you've been acting... different lately."

Peridot became visibly anxious at this. "Oh… uh… Have you?"

"Yeah. You've been… quieter," Lapis started with.

"Oh..." Peridot responded, her face clearly portraying someone who'd been found out.

"Yeah, and you seem stressed about something. Do you want to talk about it?" Lapis knew that this request was a bit forward, but there really wasn't any other way she could see this being worked into conversation.

Peridot didn't respond this time. Instead, she diverted her gaze and played with the grass to her right.

"It's okay, you can talk to me about this," Lapis assured in a warm tone.

She still avoided eye-contact, but at least turned to face Lapis's general direction. Peridot's facade was starting to rust away. She wrung her hands, clearly indicating that she didn't know quite how to explain her recent behavior. "I… um… I've just been feeling… bad… about… stuff," she faltered.

Lapis felt a cold chill run through her as she realized that Steven was right in his prediction. "Bad?" Lapis asked, trying her best not to show the little gem how nervous she was. "What.. would you have to feel bad about?"

Peridot suddenly appeared scared. "No, n-nothing! I'm sorry, I-It's nothing, really. Nothing worth talking about." Lapis had never seen Peridot so genuinely uncomfortable before. She'd seen her scared, concerned, and embarrassed before, but nothing came even remotely close to the genuine distress she saw etched into Peridot's face. The two stared at each other until Peridot became uneasy and looked away.

Lapis spoke softly. "Peridot, it's okay. You can talk to me about this stuff. C'mon, I promise I won't be weird about it or anything." After getting no response, Lapis sighed. She was trying to think of what to do when she thought back to something Steven said the last time they'd hung out. He told her that when she's in emotionally tense situations like this, it's best to open up and say what you're feeling so the other will understand. Lapis, thinking this may come in handy at the moment, did just that. "I'm just.. worried about you."

Peridot's head snapped around. "Wait! No no no no, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you upset!" she burst out, a deep concern surfacing to her voice and face.

Lapis was startled by this. "Oh! N-No, I'm not upset per se. I just don't like it when I.. see you so… uhh-"

"Th-Then we don't need to talk about this!" Peridot stammered, unexpectedly getting to her feet.

Lapis felt static surge through her chest when she saw this. She didn't want this conversation to end here. Lapis was not willing to let Peridot walk away from her like this. "Peridot, no! Sit down - please," she said with hushed urgency.

The green gem paused before slowly taking her seat again. She hugged her waist and curled her knees up to her nose, trying, but failing, to hide the quivering corners of her mouth.

"Peridot?" Lapis spoke gently as she scooted closer to said gem. Peridot began to shake. She looked so scared. She looked as though she'd done something very wrong and was about to receive a punishment for it. Lapis gently laid a hand on Peridot's shoulder. She received a flinch and a sharp yet quiet yelp from the smaller gem at the sudden touch. Lapis's throat constricted seeing Peridot so sad and fearful - at her, no less. "Peridot, I'm not upset at you. Not in the slightest," Lapis said, hoping to pacify Peridot's abrupt spike in emotion. "Please.. look at me. You have nothing to fear." Lapis could just barely pick up on the words "I'm sorry" coming from the tiny green gem. "Sorry about what?" Lapis asked with a hint of desperation. "Please... tell me. I want to help you."

"About everything," Peridot rasped. "I'm a horrible gem. I've done such terrible things to you," she slurred slowly, her voice choked with tears. Then, Peridot spilled everything. "All you wanted to do was go back home. After thousands of years spent in complete isolation on Earth, you just wanted to go back to Homeworld - to see everything you knew and loved and leave this planet and these terrible memories behind you. And I just had to take that from you. I just had to drag you back to Earth. I used you for my own gain, paying no mind to the torment you went-" Peridot was stifled by her own suppressed sobs suddenly bursting out from her chest. Tears streamed down her face, collecting at her chin. Peridot looked utterly miserable.

Yet still, she corked her contrite sobs to continue on. "I'm the reason you ended up being forced into a fusion with Jasper. I'm the one who put you in that position. And even after all that, I had the gall, I had the nerve to be angry that you wanted a place to yourself! A place where you could be alone and free for once!"

"But Peridot!" Lapis burst out. She couldn't bear to hear another word. "I don't care about that stuff anymore! I've forgiven you for all that long ago! I-"

"I don't deserve it!" Peridot yelled. The two sat in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time before Peridot started crying again, this time softly and weak. "I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't deserve to live at the barn with you or discover the world with you or share happy memories with you… I don't deserve any of it."

Lapis was speechless. She hadn't thought about any of this in a long, long time, and she was surprised that Peridot was bottling up so much guilt about it, letting it burn her from the inside out for so long. Then, Lapis did the only thing she could think of. She slowly brought her arms around Peridot and wrapped her in a warm embrace. Peridot flinched at this, but it didn't take long for her to welcome the hug and start crying into Lapis's shoulder.

"Shhhh… Shhhhh… It's okay.. I'm here for you," Lapis whispered. Peridot sat in Lapis's arms, apologising repeatedly and rocking back and forth.

Eventually, when Peridot's weeping died down to quiet sniffling and hiccuping, Lapis spoke. "Peridot.. You couldn't possibly know the sheer amount of joy you've given me by living with me. I am completely honest when I say that if I had to go through all I went through all over again just to be with you and share my life with you, I would do it. I've never been happier in my entire life than I've been with you. I can't bear the thought of not being able to see you every day or play music with you or watch Camp Pining Hearts with you or discover this world and who we are together." Peridot's breathing was finally stabilizing as Lapis went on. "I'm so… so glad I chose to stay here with you."

After a few seconds of silence, Lapis looked up at the starry sky and Peridot's gaze soon followed. Those stars were so beautiful. Lapis took a deep breath as a wave of serenity washed over her. Lapis diverted her attention from the sky as she felt Peridot's head lean against her chest. She smiled. "Are you tired?" she asked. She saw and felt a slow nod coming from the smaller gem. Lapis giggled softly and stood up. Peridot looked up at her. The taller gem extended her hand down to Peridot who carefully took it.

The two started quietly for the barn. Lapis was glad that Peridot finally let all this guilt out. It must've been complete torture to keep it boxed up inside of her for so long. But hope filled her chest as she realized she'd finally get to see Peridot's wonderful smile and cheery attitude again soon. Lapis then decided it was best to stop thinking about the future; she didn't want to rush things. She wanted Peridot to take as much time as she needed to get better. Peridot took top priority.

The two gems' feet made soft tapping sounds as they stepped onto the wooden floor of the barn. The tranquil ambiance of the crickets' songs glistening across the fields successfully mollified the both of them.

Lapis peered down at the little green gem. She looked exhausted. The dark rings draping under her eyes and the way her eyelids hung just high enough for her to see were big enough signs that she desperately needed sleep. Peridot slowly came to realize that Lapis was staring at her, forcing their eyes to lock.

"You look tired," Lapis noted aloud with a soft warmth to her words. Peridot didn't respond at first, but eventually diverted her gaze to the floor on her left and nodded. Lapis looked over at the hammock, an idea rearing its head in her mind. "Do you want to sleep in the hammock tonight?"

Peridot looked taken aback. "N-No, it's fine," she said with a nervous chuckle, "you can sleep there tonight."

"Well I never said I wouldn't, did I?" Lapis responded with a calm smile as she walked over to the swinging bed, taking a seat.

It took a second, but eventually, it dawned upon Peridot what she was implying as a darker shade of green slowly surfaced to the little gem's face. Lapis giggled at this reaction before patting the space next to her. "C'mere," she insisted, tilting her head to the side.

Peridot shyly walked over to the hammock as Lapis swung her own legs into the cloth cradle. Peridot stopped at the edge of the unusual bed. She gently pressed the palm of her hand against the fabric, trying to gauge the placement of the weight and where it would be best to get on.

Lapis couldn't suppress a grin at this. "Don't worry, Peridot. It's not going to eat you. I'll catch you if you start to fall, okay?" Peridot looked up and nodded slightly. She raised her knee and gingerly placed it upon the sloping cloth. However, the moment she put more than half her weight on it, she lost her balance and fell into it with a small "eep!" Lapis caught her as she promised.

Once the erratic movement of the hammock calmed, Lapis realized that their faces had fallen very close to one another. A mossy green dusted across Peridot's face once more before she looked away, embarrassed at her own slip-up. "S...S-Sorry. I didn't mean… to do.. that." She ducked her head down and timorously rubbed her arms.

Lapis grimaced. A gem like Peridot didn't deserve to feel so anxious and insecure. Lapis slowly raised her arm and brushed some of the wheat-colored hair out of Peridot's face. The two stared into each other's eyes for a little while before Lapis quietly told her, "You have very pretty eyes." The leafy green on Peridot's face immediately darkened and she took off, scrambling to find something nice to say in return. Lapis grinned and laughed quietly. "You're so cute, you know that?"

Peridot paused. "...Is that a good thing?"

Lapis laughed again. "Yes, Peridot. It's a good thing."

"Oh… th-thanks," peridot said, nodding bashfully.

"Oh hey, I just remembered," Lapis said, grabbing Peridot's attention. "I was on a flight the other day and I saw this really cool place we should check out. It's out on the shore but a bit further away from Beach City. There are trees there that overhang a rocky cliff down to the thin, sandy strip of shoreline below. It's super nice there. You want to go check it out tomorrow?"

"But.. isn't there supposed to be a storm tonight?" was Peridot's timid response.

Even though Peridot could explain thunderstorms thoroughly and logically, Lapis knew that she was still very scared of them. Even before she started exhibiting her odd behavior, she would commonly shelter herself under something - anything - in the barn, whether it be a blanket, a table, or a mound of hay during a thunderstorm. "Eh.. it's just supposed to scrape by Beach City. It won't be going anywhere close to that place or us." Peridot sighed in relief, hearing this news.

"But yeah, it's really cool," Lapis continued. "Want to check it out tomorrow?"

"S-Sure. Whatever you say." Peridot immediately reeled back. "N-No no, wait, I didn't mean for it to sound like that- I-I just- I trust your judgement is-is what I meant. I just- I-I-" Lapis gently surrounded one of Peridot's hands with both of her own, trying to calm her down. The little gem flinched and stopped her train of thought in its path. It pained Lapis to see Peridot so nervous over something as little as this.

Lapis gently ran her thumb in circles over the top of Peridot's hand. This seemed to slowly pacify the little gem, her eyes returning to their drowsy, half-lidded state. Lapis stared at their hands for a moment. It had been so long since Peridot expressed genuine happiness and Lapis wanted to see that again so badly. She would give anything to bring that back. And then, like a match being struck in the night, she remembered a method that never once failed to make Peridot smile.

"Aw, come on, Peri," Lapis cooed playfully, scooting closer to the smaller gem. "Give me that beautiful smile of yours. You know fully well that I know how to make you." Lapis capped off her sentence by sneakily skimming her fingers over Peridot's side.

She could feel the startled little gem twitch under her touch and try to stifle her giggles. "L-Lapis, n-no, please don't," she attempted to reason, her voice covered in a thin layer of chuckles. She tried to scoot backwards but it was a good thing for Lapis that the curve of the hammock didn't let her go very far.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what?" Lapis teased. "You're going to have to speak up a bit," an impish tone swirling in her voice as she accentuated her mischievous behavior. Peridot squealed and frantically scrambled to find a way to protect herself from Lapis's foray, but alas, she was too skilled for the little gem and eventually reduced Peridot to a squirming, giggling mess.

"L-Lapis! Lapis, please!" Peridot begged with everything she had, almost not being able to sound out a word over her own laughter. "I-I give up! I can't take it! P-Please!" Lapis finally let up as she noticed tears forming in the corners of the little green gem's tightly shut eyes. She chuckled as she watched her adorable barn mate try to hold down her laughter and regain control of her breath. She watched her cover her face with both hands, feebly trying to hide the dark green that had flooded her cheeks, the bridge of her nose, and the tips of her ears.

She reached up and pulled both of Peridot's hands away from her face, revealing the beaming smile that laid underneath. Peridot opened her eyes weakly and stared at the blue gem, still unable to stop tiny giggles from escaping her mouth. "There's that smile I love to see," Lapis hummed as she wrapped her right arm around Peridot's waist and pulled her closer, still holding her hands captive with her left arm. If it was possible for the little green gem to blush more, she was certainly doing so.

The two simply gazed into each other's eyes for a long time, the awkwardness that would've been present before strangely absent this time around.

As usual, Peridot was the first to break eye-contact. She moved her eyes away from Lapis's and shifted in her place. Her eyes were now drooping close to shut, yet her brows were strangely furrowed in discomfort. Lapis searched for what was bothering her little barn mate and noticed how her visor was displaced unnaturally against her head and face. Lapis brought her hand up to Peridot's eyes and rubbed the cusp of her visor with her thumb. "These can't be comfortable to lie down in," Lapis said softly.

A pensive laugh escaped the green gem's mouth. "They're not."

Since Peridot appeared to lack the courage to do anything about it, Lapis took initiative. "We should take them off then, hm?"

Peridot looked surprised. "I…. guess so," she replied timidly. Lapis proceeded to remove the green visor from Peridot's face, prompting an unexpectedly sharp reaction where she snapped her eyes shut. Lapis could only suspect that this sudden change in Peridot was because she was afraid of judgement from the blue gem. Lapis plucked a tennis ball sized bead of water from the miniature lake nearby and used it to safely transport Peridot's visor to the nearest stack of hay. Peridot then opened one eye just barely enough to notice Lapis's downy look and cease her tense form.

"That's much better, isn't it?" Lapis asked with a reposeful air. Peridot diverted her gaze and nodded drowsily in response. Lapis then took Peridot's hand in her's, grabbing the little gem's attention once more. "Can I do something real quick?" Lapis asked calmly.

"Uhm," Peridot uttered, staring at Lapis with curiosity. "Uh.. sure."

The blue gem then smoothly drew her hands to Peridot's face and cupped it, slowly bringing their faces even closer together. She stared into her barn mate's brilliant yellow eyes for a moment before tilting her own chin upward and planting a very gentle kiss on the glassy surface of Peridot's gem. She felt a twitch coming from the smaller one, but not a word left her mouth. Lapis was attentive for signs of objection, but thankfully received none. The kiss lasted only for about five seconds before Lapis gingerly pulled away and looked down to see Peridot's reaction. She looked stunned. A dark green stained her face as she stared at the taller gem with starry eyes.

Lapis let out a soft snort and laugh seeing Peridot's starstruck expression. She couldn't think of a cuter gem if her life depended on it. "You adorable little dork," Lapis chuckled out, receiving a sheepish smile from the gem in question.

She was so thankful that she was able to spend the past few months with Peridot, and she wanted her to know that. Lapis ran her fingers through Peridot's soft hair and brought their heads together, their noses and foreheads touching as soft as a feather.

"I love you, Peridot," Lapis told her with credence as she soothingly stroked Peridot's hair. "Don't ever forget that."

Peridot could only peer back hazily at the blue gem before a familiar, goofy, asymmetrical grin roused on her face. Lapis smiled back contently.

At this point, Peridot looked up and ready to pass out. Her breathing was soft and slow and her eyes looked just about shut. "How's about we go to sleep?" Lapis suggested. "Then tomorrow, we can check out that place I saw. I found a pair of trees there that would make for a lovely place to set up a hammock." Peridot blinked slowly. Lapis resisted the urge to repeat herself, knowing that Peridot may have been too tired to focus on what she was saying.

Then, she froze in place as she felt Peridot drowsily nuzzle her face into the crevice between her chin and her chest. She felt the little gem's nose rub against her neck, eventually settling down to rest. Lapis could feel the warmth of her tiny soft exhales and melted at the feeling.

Despite the crisp night air, the warmth they were giving each other was far more than enough to lull them both to a gentle, tranquil sleep.


End file.
